I’ll be the first to tell you that i thought i didn’t need my family. i hated them. i thought they were the worst people to walk the earth. I don’t know who your family is. or what they’ve done. But i know now that i needed mine before and still do more than anything in this world.
I was adopted at three and six months. I was put into foster care three years prior to that. While in foster care i had the best parents and family. I loved them, and i still do to this day. They have continued to be a part of my life and i am forever grateful that i have them.
As a former foster child, even though i don’t remember any of it, I know what abandonment feels like. Even though i have never met my biological parents, i know the feeling of being unwanted and unloved. I struggle with it everyday even though i have a family who loves me very much.
But i always thought i had a better family out there than my adopted family. I thought someone would love me more, care for me more. So i went looking. I didn’t put out an ad in craigslist or anything. But i have lived with a couple of my friends families.
Recently i have come back from living with one of my ex-friend’s family. I lived there for two years. I thought it was the place for me, i thought it was where i belonged. I was wrong, very wrong.
Things started to go wrong and i was constantly doing wrong, in their eyes. But all along, i was the one who was right.
It finally got so bad that they told me i had to leave. It was between foster care, a group home, or back with my adopted parents. I’m back and i couldn’t be happier. I know now this is where i am supposed to be.
I’ve done them wrong so many times and i am forever sorry that. But we have all agreed to forget the past and to move on from it.
I love my family so much, and i will never intentionally try to hurt them again. I don’t know where i would be right now if they hadn’t agreed to let me come back. I’d probably be in a group home suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. Or i would have already committed suicide.
If you’re reading this, and you think your family hates you and that you need a new one. Please take a step back. Please look at everything from a different perspective. If you are going through depression or other clinical diseases, please please please look at things differently. It saved my life, not in a metaphorical way, but literally. I would have been dead three or four years ago if it wasn’t for my family. If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts and you’re hurting yourself and your family has put you in treatment care centers or has told you to stop and has taken things away from you so you would stop, don’t think they hate you. They care so much about you. No mother or father wants anything bad to happen to any of their children. No brother or sister or cousin or aunt or uncle or grandmother or grandfather wants anything bad to happen to their family. They love you. They might just not know how to express it.
If you feel completely alone. If you feel like no one cares. If you feel like no one wants you or loves you. You’re wrong. I may not know you but i love you, with everything in me. If you need my help, contact me. Email me at Dazsha.megan@gmail.com
Please do not hesitate. I will listen. I will care. I will want you. I will love you. Always.